soul-less and smiling

color me perpetually devastated
and i knew this day was coming
and i felt it would be soon
but still...
perpetual devastation has found me cold
...and soon to be very very drunk
and it's my fault for always holding my tongue
every chance i ever had to tell you how i felt
every chance you gave me... almost begging me to just say it
and i bit down so hard i bled into my mouth
i swallowed hard and smiled... tongue-less, all lips and teeth
spewing optimism to simply see you smile
to smell the relief exude off of you
to bass in your glory and my misery all at once
and now is the time for me to realize
everything i've done has been wrong
i was wrong......
but i will never tell a soul

Sleep's Bruises

A blood soaked and thirsty night... without you, without the lighter side of me
And I'm getting weaker
And I'm getting more tired, the more sleep I get
And I am always hoping when I lay my head down it won't lift back up again
And the hours of sleep multiply as the bruises on my body grow
Like blood filled rivers underneath pale skin... pushing up trying to escape
And I don't recall bumping into anything
And I don't recall bumping into you
I sleep sound, I sleep alone
My life's pulse comes in the sound of keystrokes and text message alerts
And I wake to vibrations
And I am awake and bleeding...
Underneath my skin
Waiting to float away from the inside out
I'm waiting