Friday, June 25, 2010

Since when is fear a crime...

Since when is fear a crime of passion... committed against yourself?
Everyone has fucked you. Fucked you over. The internet is an evil place.
And the first time something good comes along you take it for a fucking ride.
Your fees are too high. Understandable expectations. Unacceptable behavior.
Two wrongs have never made a right.

But still you sit there expectingly. Preparing for the worst in your own little way.
More selfish than you realize. More selfish than you (actually) are.
And the nerve to think that history will always repeat itself.
The shit you learn in grade school can't always be true.

But you wished it away. You wished for things to be different time and time again.
And finally you learned a lesson. Finally you learned that they are, indeed, "all the same."
But this one might not have been what you were expecting.
But the possibility of this makes you uneasy.

High hopes carry a much longer and heavier fall.
So you went and did it first. Pain avoidance.
If he is already doing it I should probably be doing it too.
Keep the scores even and thus be easier to settle in the future-tense.

Because you were left high and dry far too many times by things unacceptable.
But you accepted them for 3 years, 2 years, 5 years - at a time.
Guys always suffer from that "better trophy out there" syndrome.
It has proven to be insufferable. It has proven recently to have finally changed you.

You are 10 years in the making.
A disaster when you should be a mansion.
The queen of organized thought downgraded to the queen of chaos.
Keep it all unclear so you can't get hurt because there were no boundaries.
Or because the boundaries were more open...

Open and shut case scenario.
Open and shut.

1 comment:

  1. not every guy is looking for a trophy, some are just looking for a friend, a lover, a confidant.