Saturday, July 11, 2009

Just another learning experience...

You've taught me nothing, and everything at once.
I learn to unlearn and re-learn forgotten lessons.
No more trust. No more weakness. No more... anything...
I was always better when I was comfortable with the nothingness I hold.
I hold my head up and look you in the eyes. I don't see you. I see my reflection...
My face and mind reflecting on the days...
When I was happily lost...
And again I am happy. I am glad that someone showed me... not to trust a soul... again and again.

Make this lesson stick this time.
Fuck what you have said or done or haven't done... it doesn't matter.
It does not matter when nothing matters(!)
You say you want something... I hand it to you and you drop it on the ground.
It shatters... I don't even flinch.
It was nothing. Nothing important... inside me.

I am happy. Fancy free... free of care, thus free from harm.
And this razor feels familiar dragging up each arm.
The joy inside me lies to my heart... sending throbbing signals like this never ended.
The last few weeks - the last few months... never really happened.
The scars never faded... like you faded... and you fade.

I cannot open you.
I cannot see you.
I cannot feel you.
I cannot taste you.
I cannot see your blood.

Paler than ever now... almost transparent...
The scars never faded... like you faded... and you fade.... away.
You fade away and I laugh until it hurts.

Thank you kindly... sweet remembrance. A little messenger... a little reminder... in the misleading shape of a heart.

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