fuuuck

So frustrated. In so many ways.
We need to move past this.
I need to move past you, but.... should I?
I mean, I am far past you... I've been shoving you away for years.
But your hand has never raised to strike my face.
And you let me breath when I need to breath.
And it feels like everyone else has a lack of interest.
And it feels like I am a lost cause anyways.

I've already sacrificed my moral judgment for you.
I've already cut away large chunks of me because of you.

But...

Maybe I'm just insecure by all your stepping out.
Maybe I'm just left tired with all your getting high.
Maybe I am lack luster because you've left me so worn.
And maybe my keeping you here is just an excuse to not be lonely.

What happened to me... what have I become?
I have never been an "eat the bullet" kind of girl...
never one to play dead: unless of course I planned to make a run for it!
So what I am doing? What left me weak? Maybe it's the fact that what
came before you was a monster... and what you did in following years was just the final bullet in the shape of cupid's arrow.

Fool me... over and over again.
I often wish I was still locked in that bathroom...
...and had hours to think.
To prepare myself for what's to come.
To decide, what I didn't want.
To reflect, on what could be better judgments.

And I am not looking to be saved... I am just looking for friends.
Well I do not need a hero - my hero's fucking break and bend.

I am tired of pretending that everything's alright.
I am tired of pretending that there is someone out there for me...
and lying myself to sleep, and making up excuses for everything we do.

Just because you are nice doesn't make you perfect.
Just because you're gorgeous doesn't make it right.
Just because you'll get me wine, doesn't mean your selfless.
Just because you love me, doesn't mean I come before your high.