no. never.

You made so many promises and kept true to most...

which makes me wonder where it is you lurk

I move and move and move and move...

away.

unsettled.

just waiting.

You promised me if I left you - you would kill me.

I recall your exact words, what used to be daily...

then weekly.

then monthly.

now only a couples times a year.

"If you leave me no one will find you. I will cut you into 100 tiny

pieces and bury you all over Iowa. No one...will ever... find you."

Great.

Wonderful.

Beautiful.

And yes, I believed you.

And yes, I left you just the same... after you started shopping:

for a gun. for younger women.

for the beauty I clearly couldn't provide for you, while with you... forever more.

forever?

and ever and ever?

no, never (!)

No thank you Mr. Iowa. No thank you my beloved sociopath.

So I wait for the bullet when passing through your state... and sometimes I long for it...

Though I don't say these things out loud. No never. Because my secrets are my secrets...

Buried in my heavy clumsy concrete hands.

Something that's truly mine. Something so far from lovely.

My sanity vs. my cold dead fate... whatever... just come here... I'm ready.